Bob Parkins, MS, LMFT

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

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Bob Parkins is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Gold River, CA, serving the greater Sacramento area.  As a counselor, Bob Parkins has been helping couples and individuals heal, grow, and find freedom since 1999.

(916) 337-5406

11344 Coloma Road

Suite 440

Gold River, CA  95670

 

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Get help for depression, grief and loss, anxiety, relationship issues, premarital counseling, marriage and sexual issues, sex addiction, parenting issues, life stage issues, healing from emotional trauma, healing from childhood abuse, spiritual issues, and more.

Service Areas

Antelope, Auburn, Cameron Park, Carmichael, Citrus Heights, Davis, El Dorado Hills, Elk Grove, Fair Oaks, Folsom, Gold River, Granite Bay, Laguna, Lincoln, Lodi, Loomis, North Highlands, Orangevale, Placerville, Rancho Cordova, Rio Linda, Rocklin, Roseville, Sacramento, Stockton, Vacaville, Woodland, Yuba City, and  other Northern California cities.

 

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Losing Someone You Love to Suicide: Finding help and support from others who know your pain.

December 3, 2015

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Dealing With Old Emotional Wounds and Trauma

April 11, 2015

 

Formerly Titled: Grieving Personal Wounds
By: Bob Parkins, LMFT

 

 

While serving as a group facilitator at a conference for men struggling with sexual addiction and compulsive sexual behaviors.  My group had been processing the relationship between emotional wounds and sexually compulsive, or acting-out, behaviors.  It was exciting and rewarding to play a part in these men reconnecting with their hearts, and risk vulnerability by sharing some very painful experiences, but I encountered more resistance from the group than I had expected.  This caused me to reflect on how often I experience this same type of resistance with many of my clients.  People often ask what purpose "rehashing" the past or "blaming" parents serves, sometimes even giving me a monologue on "choices" and "personal responsibility."  These questions are more than fair and deserve answers, but to miss the issues behind them is to miss the heart of the man or woman that asks.

Emotional wounds can leave us so deeply injured that just looking or acknowledging them can be terrifying.  We’re not only afraid of hurting again, but the possible “unknown” we may dread finding can seem even worse.  Sadly, we trade God's healing touch for the certainty of the mundanely dulled, bruised, and safely inaccessible heart.  This may feel better than the dread of having our hearts opened and spilling into our own consciousness, or being exposed for others to see and possibly judge or reject.  But whether emotional wounds are acknowledged or not, they still bleed from within.  This is why addictions can keep people in bondage for so many years.  Addicts abandon their own hearts as they continue to bleed internally, unconsciously re-experiencing their original emotional trauma through sexually acting-out.

Acknowledging and exploring one’s wounded heart, or past traumas, is not "rehashing," "blaming," or “skirting responsibility" for one’s own actions/transgressions.  When people acknowledge their woundedness or emotional traumas they are taking responsibility.  Acknowledgement these wounds moves one closer to truly surrendering them, one can move toward healing from them.  God patiently respects people’s unwillingness to acknowledge their wounded hearts, for a while.  Fortunately He loves his people enough, that in even in their unwillingness, he sometimes allows crisis to bring them face-to-face with their wounds and transgressions.

For many men and women struggling with sexual addiction, a crisis of truth may take the form of being exposed.  While this is usually humiliating, I frequently remind couple's of God's graciousness, mercy, and heart for them.  A loving Father does not allow his son/daughter to continue in sin indefinitely without confrontation.  Being brought to a crisis of truth is an opportunity and chance for redemption.  For some, it may not be possible to reconcile a broken marriage, but for many others, most in fact, it is still possible.  Regardless of all that is lost, a chance is given to reconcile with God and with self.  Reconciliation with self can never fully be achieved without an honest look at one's wounded heart.


http://www.bobparkinslmft.com/

NOTE: Adapted from my original 11/2005 article written for EMB.

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